Dear dudes who complain about the “friendzone”:
Don’t worry, no woman would ever even want to be friends with you
Suppose a man makes unwanted social advances to a woman in, let’s say, a restaurant or theatre, and she eventually has to tell him loudly or angrily to get lost. She is the one who will be perceived as rude, hostile, aggressive, and obnoxious. His verbal aggression and invasiveness are accepted and expected; her rudeness (or mere curtness) in getting rid of him is noticed and condemned. One of our great myths is that a “real lady” can and should handle any difficulty, defuse any assault, without ever raising her voice or losing her manners. Female rudeness or violence in resistance to male aggression has often been taken to prove that the woman was not a lady in the first place, and therefore deserved no respect from the aggressor or sympathy from others.
Their sense of entitlement. Their sense that the world is their oyster, their home, their castle. It no longer feels like “this land was made for you and me,” as Woody Guthrie sang, but for somebody else. They’re tired of “being made to feel like losers,” as many of them put it. They’re tired of feeling that the game is over before they’ve even started to play. They’re tired of putting the damned toilet seat down every time, of saying “he or she” on their term papers, of calling people of color “people of color.” They’re tired of feeing like there is no mobility—or, if there is, someone else is climbing over them on the ladder of success. They want to escape to a world where men rule and where reality doesn’t get in the way.
there is nothing romantic about
- not knowing you’re beautiful
- loving someone until they learn to love themselves
please stop romanticizing low self esteem.
it’s one thing to love a person who happens to have low self esteem
it’s another thing to frame low self esteem as a desirable trait.